Snips & snails and puppy dog tails... and just about anything gross, really.

It has been 3 years and 9 months since I gave birth to my son, and I think I'm just now realizing that I'm not quite ready to be the mother to a boy.

Boys are weird. They're gross. They start out cute, all swaddled up in fluffy light blue blankets with puppies on them. They wear adorable onesies that say "Daddy's Little Helper" on them and have little pants that feature embroidered snails and bugs with smiley faces.

You know what? In real life, bugs don't have smiley faces. They're just disgusting.

Now that he has passed 3 and a half years old and is rapidly approaching 4, Alexander has apparently decided that it's time for him to embrace the bug world in all of its glory. Worms are cute, crickets are his pets and spiders are friendly. He has actually said all of these things. He does like butterflies, too, and tries catching them in his hand. That's nice, because butterflies are often pretty, but let's face it, they're still bugs and I don't want one landing on me. I'm just fine admiring them from afar. Same thing with lightning bugs. They light up, that's cool, but when it comes right down to it, they're beetles. Yuck.

Today we were out in the front yard and Alexander spotted an earthworm in the grass. He wanted to pick it up and "take it for a walk" in his wagon. I told him that, nah, the worm was really much happier in the grass. They burrow into the dirt, that's where they like to be, so probably should just leave him alone. I continued my weeding and figured that was it.

Obviously not.

So he comes walking past me dragging the wagon behind him, and I let out a very startled "AAA!" as I notice this GIANT earthworm squirming around in the wagon. It had to be about a foot long. So Alexander looked back and said, "What?" As if to say, "Is there something wrong with my worm?!" I said "Oh nothing, just... there he is! Wow!" I had to cover my disgust.

So after that, the poor worm was subjected from one activity to another. Different toys, locations, back into the wagon again. I was just inside the front door when I glanced out and saw Alexander standing behind the car in the driveway. Then I heard the back door slam.

"Alexander, what are you doing?"
"I'm doing nothing."
"Where is the worm?"
"He's sleeping."
"WHERE is he sleeping? Is he in the car?"
"Um... I'm not sure."

So at this point I come outside, and Alexander comes running over to me, all upset, "No! Don't go look! Noooo!"

So I tell him, "Alexander, the worm can't stay in the car. He won't like it in there. He likes being in the grass."
"But he's sleeping. His eyes are closed."

I bet they are, I think to myself. So we go over to the car and open the door, and sure enough, the worm appears to have entered the Big Sleep. He never stood a chance.

I finally convince him to take it out of the car and put it... elsewhere. Anywhere else but in the back of my SUV.

I know that this bug obsession isn't going to get any better over the next several years, so I'm going to have to resign myself to the fact that bugs and other assorted small creatures will be around, and often IN, my home thanks to my little boy. Maybe there's a bug support group I can join. Or better yet, a moms of boys support group. I think I'm going to need it.