Friday, May 23, 2014

Five minute Friday: May 22, 2014

Today's word: close

A couple of years ago, we went to adopt a dog at a local animal shelter. We were so disappointed and shocked when Colette ended up with hives after coming in contact with a dog. A couple of weeks later, my fears were confirmed at the allergist's office when she came up as having moderate to severe dog allergies.

Now, we're looking at labradoodles. I've been looking since then, on and off, but holding back due to the high cost as well as the possibility that she will still be allergic to this so-called hypoallergenic dog.

Well, I decided - finally - to make a decision about it. Tomorrow, we are on our way to visit a breeder in NJ to expose her to a labradoodle and see if she has any reaction. The kids don't know yet and I am very guarded about it. I don't want to hope because honestly I'm not really expecting it to work out.

But still, with every encouraging text exchange with the breeder, I'm feeling a little more hopeful. I don't want my hopes to be dashed, but it seems we've found a great lady who's very willing to work with us. I know this has no bearing on whether or not Colette will start sneezing and her eyes tearing up when we meet this dog, but somehow, it makes me feel like having a dog may FINALLY be in reach for our family. I hope I'm not wrong.

Whatever happens, it's suddenly become a very good possibility. I can almost taste it. We're getting close.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Five minute Friday: May 11, 2014

Yes, that's a Sunday. I KNOW.

Grateful.

When most people are in their growing-up years, their formative years, you know, the pre-18 most formative years of them all, they're taught to be grateful. You want more toys? Be grateful for what you have. Don't like your dinner? Be grateful you have dinner at all because some people are going to bed hungry. (Ok, then send my pork chops to those kids in Africa. Sure, we all know what you were thinking.)

As you get older, you are supposed to be grateful on your own. With those life lessons pounded into your head as a kid, by now, they should be well settled and you should have LEARNED. Be grateful for what you have and stop asking for more. For me, I always worried that I was never grateful enough. I still am. If I feel myself start to complain, which happens a lot, or wish for more, which also happens fairly frequently, I am immediately sorry for it. I think I'm trying to protect myself against something bad happening - you know, karma, careening around the corner like the bus that it is, ready to slam me down just for being so ungrateful when so many people have it worse than I do. And as we all know, SOMEone always has it worse than you.

So. I suppose I have to be grateful in the small, everyday things and not fret that I'm not being grateful enough. Don't think about it, just be. When I appreciate those beautiful azaleas outside, that's good. When my daughter throws her arms around me without provocation and proclaims her love for me, that's enough. I'm grateful, and it's enough to know that I'm feeling it and not so worried about saying it.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Sometimes you just gotta be cranky.

Not being a teenager anymore (yeah that's right, I said it), and with two kids still in elementary school, I'm not too up on the newest catchphrases and teen lingo. Thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, I have been enlightened. Unfortunately. As a writer, I don't enjoy hating words and phrases, but people keep forcing my hand. Therefore I've decided to compile a list of the top 10 Phrases I Hate, in no particular order.

Phrases I Hate

10. "Totes adorbs," or just "adorbs," or, for that matter, just "totes." Apparently this stands for "totally adorable." If you are over the age of 16, and even that number is questionable, please, PLEASE never say this. It sounds utterly ridiculous. My teeth actually hurt when grown adults use this phrase. Adorbs is no better. And Totes is a kind of umbrella and it should stay that way.

9. "Truth." This is the newest kind of one-word definitive statement. Remember the old days when people used to say, "That's true" or "I completely agree"? Those days are over. It's the hipper, cooler form of "true dat." Those phrases are for the elderly and the shut-ins or at least those stuck in the early 2000s. Now, if you agree with an article, something someone says or, better yet, a particularly meaningful MEME, the correct response is "Truth." Simple, straightforward, and POWERFUL. And stupid.

8. "No bueno." I can't express how ridiculous I think this one is. Again, we just have to come up with new ways to say things, don't we? This one replaces "This is bad." What was wrong with that? And why the Spanish - is this Dora's influence again? It sounds another of those kind of new-wave, hipster, catchy word-crap things. Trying too hard. I keep hearing it from people every time something goes wrong in their life, like it's just the most awesome thing to say, and I want to tell them that I'm already sick of it. It's almost like they're excited about sharing the crappy event of their day just so that they can say it. Can we at least switch to another language? How about Greek?

7. "Cray" or "cray cray." I guess crazy was just too long to say. Ahh, what a relief to leave out that long, cumbersome z. That really helps free up my time so that I can do other things, like make up more stupid words. I realize this one isn't completely new but it's still stupid enough to make the list.

6. "Want." This is similar to #9. I believe that we as a society have simply become too lazy to speak too many words in a row. Perhaps this is the result of too much texting - no more complete sentences and instead just one-word statements. We're beginning to sound like a bunch of 1-year olds pointing our chubby little fingers. Or maybe neanderthals, grunting demands without all those pesky words getting in the way.

5. I have no problem with Twitter. I've even been thinking of joining myself because let's face it - don't you think my humor deserves a larger audience than it currently has?! That being said, IMO there is only one place for hashtags: Twitter. And NOWHERE ELSE. Please don't use hashtags on Facebook. Ok fine, so a friend pointed out hashtags are searchable on fb, but that doesn't make them any less annoying. Especially the super-long hashtags and my least favorite hashtag ever: #blessed. Dear lord. This should be eradicated from the earth. #neverwanttoseethisagainorIjustmaykillsomeone

and this leads me to...

4. Saying "hashtag" out loud before a word. It's bad enough having to read it, but hearing someone say it gives me a headache. Like I don't have enough regular stuff to hurt my head. I think the first time I heard this was last season on American Idol with everyone's favorite most annoying entertainer, Mariah Carey, when she described one singer's performance like this: "Hashtag POW." I'm sorry, but WHAT? At first I wasn't sure if she was even speaking English. Who-tag what now?

3. "Beauteous." Yes I know it’s literary and everything but I find it annoyingly pretentious, or at least pretentiously annoying. Can we all please just agree to say beautiful unless you’re starring in some kind of 19th century period piece? Again: for those times when the normal, commonplace word is just NOT enough. It just sounds silly.

2. Saying the letters "O-M-G" aloud. Most people come to accept these abbreviations in everyday facebook or email chat, with OMG being probably the most popular one. But saying it out loud? There is no need for that. The first time someone said "oh em gee," I honestly thought they were stammering, at a loss for words. I waited for the rest, only to quickly realize that there was no rest. That's it. They said "OMG" aloud. HATE IT. Can we just go back to taking the Lord's name in vain like normal people? What was so wrong with that?

1. "I can't even." I honestly don't mind this one too much except that EVERYONE is saying it all of a sudden, and a LOT! Stop it!! You can't even WHAT? I'm sorry, when a word or phrase gets overused it loses any modicum of coolness it may have once had. And really, really should be avoided by the over-35 crowd.

I realize this may make me sound even older and more curmudgeonly than usual, and I don't care. Someone had to say it. (In normal English.)

Friday, May 2, 2014

Five minute Friday: May 2

Mess.

As a regular person, this could go in so many ways. As a parent, we all know where it's going to go. :)

Alexander and Colette are clearly brother and sister. They look SO much alike, from their big blue eyes to their crowded set of teeth to their goofy sense of humor. However, there are also many differences. One is that Colette is neat and clean, and Alexander is... well, a MESS.

He's 9 years old now. When he was 2, I expected his messes. He was a huge drooler, so he always had a bib on until he was, like, 3, and I carried extras around with me in the diaper bag. As he got older, he began using his shirt sleeve/shoulder as a napkin. I made jokes that they should sew napkins onto the shoulders of all of his shirts, detachable so that I could toss those directly into the OxiClean without even looking at them.

Unfortunately, he hasn't cleaned up his act much at this age. At the end of any typical day I can see exactly what he's eaten throughout the day. I know in the morning if he's brushed his teeth or not just by looking at his shirt. If he's used the towel, it's often on the floor. He's a MESS, and he leaves a mess wherever he's been. He's like my own little Pigpen.

The ironic thing is that he's in Cub Scouts, and one of their sayings is "Leave no trace." Cracks me up. Oh, he leaves traces all right, and lots of them. The path of his destruction has become legendary in this house.

The past couple of nights when I've checked on Colette before bed, she's entangled in her quilt. It's falling off the bed, it's over her head. Her pillow is askew and her sheets are all wadded up at the bottom of the bed. No matter how neatly she starts out, it's nothing short of a disaster by morning.

I really need just one neat kid. Please, can we keep her messes contained to nighttime tossings and turnings? I'm hoping her big brother will learn a thing or two from her.