Not being a teenager anymore (yeah that's right, I said it), and with two kids still in elementary school, I'm not too up on the newest catchphrases and teen lingo. Thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, I have been enlightened. Unfortunately. As a writer, I don't enjoy hating words and phrases, but people keep forcing my hand. Therefore I've decided to compile a list of the top 10 Phrases I Hate, in no particular order.
Phrases I Hate
10. "Totes adorbs," or just "adorbs," or, for that matter, just "totes." Apparently this stands for "totally adorable." If you are over the age of 16, and even that number is questionable, please, PLEASE never say this. It sounds utterly ridiculous. My teeth actually hurt when grown adults use this phrase. Adorbs is no better. And Totes is a kind of umbrella and it should stay that way.
9. "Truth." This is the newest kind of one-word definitive statement. Remember the old days when people used to say, "That's true" or "I completely agree"? Those days are over. It's the hipper, cooler form of "true dat." Those phrases are for the elderly and the shut-ins or at least those stuck in the early 2000s. Now, if you agree with an article, something someone says or, better yet, a particularly meaningful MEME, the correct response is "Truth." Simple, straightforward, and POWERFUL. And stupid.
8. "No bueno." I can't express how ridiculous I think this one is. Again, we just have to come up with new ways to say things, don't we? This one replaces "This is bad." What was wrong with that? And why the Spanish - is this Dora's influence again? It sounds another of those kind of new-wave, hipster, catchy word-crap things. Trying too hard. I keep hearing it from people every time something goes wrong in their life, like it's just the most awesome thing to say, and I want to tell them that I'm already sick of it. It's almost like they're excited about sharing the crappy event of their day just so that they can say it. Can we at least switch to another language? How about Greek?
7. "Cray" or "cray cray." I guess crazy was just too long to say. Ahh, what a relief to leave out that long, cumbersome z. That really helps free up my time so that I can do other things, like make up more stupid words. I realize this one isn't completely new but it's still stupid enough to make the list.
6. "Want." This is similar to #9. I believe that we as a society have simply become too lazy to speak too many words in a row. Perhaps this is the result of too much texting - no more complete sentences and instead just one-word statements. We're beginning to sound like a bunch of 1-year olds pointing our chubby little fingers. Or maybe neanderthals, grunting demands without all those pesky words getting in the way.
5. I have no problem with Twitter. I've even been thinking of joining myself because let's face it - don't you think my humor deserves a larger audience than it currently has?! That being said, IMO there is only one place for hashtags: Twitter. And NOWHERE ELSE. Please don't use hashtags on Facebook. Ok fine, so a friend pointed out hashtags are searchable on fb, but that doesn't make them any less annoying. Especially the super-long hashtags and my least favorite hashtag ever: #blessed. Dear lord. This should be eradicated from the earth. #neverwanttoseethisagainorIjustmaykillsomeone
and this leads me to...
4. Saying "hashtag" out loud before a word. It's bad enough having to read it, but hearing someone say it gives me a headache. Like I don't have enough regular stuff to hurt my head. I think the first time I heard this was last season on American Idol with everyone's favorite most annoying entertainer, Mariah Carey, when she described one singer's performance like this: "Hashtag POW." I'm sorry, but WHAT? At first I wasn't sure if she was even speaking English. Who-tag what now?
3. "Beauteous." Yes I know it’s literary and everything but I find it annoyingly pretentious, or at least pretentiously annoying. Can we all please just agree to say beautiful unless you’re starring in some kind of 19th century period piece? Again: for those times when the normal, commonplace word is just NOT enough. It just sounds silly.
2. Saying the letters "O-M-G" aloud. Most people come to accept these abbreviations in everyday facebook or email chat, with OMG being probably the most popular one. But saying it out loud? There is no need for that. The first time someone said "oh em gee," I honestly thought they were stammering, at a loss for words. I waited for the rest, only to quickly realize that there was no rest. That's it. They said "OMG" aloud. HATE IT. Can we just go back to taking the Lord's name in vain like normal people? What was so wrong with that?
1. "I can't even." I honestly don't mind this one too much except that EVERYONE is saying it all of a sudden, and a LOT! Stop it!! You can't even WHAT? I'm sorry, when a word or phrase gets overused it loses any modicum of coolness it may have once had. And really, really should be avoided by the over-35 crowd.
I realize this may make me sound even older and more curmudgeonly than usual, and I don't care. Someone had to say it. (In normal English.)
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