Besides, I've been to zoos. The big ones, like the Philadelphia Zoo, many years ago, and more recently, little ones like Turtleback Zoo and even the tiny quasi-zoo near us in Monroe that has safe little animals like deer, chickens, and the odd peacock. I could probably toss my gerbils in there and people would probably take pictures of it and feed it hay.
So recently Zach suggested that we take the kids to the zoo. Not just a zoo, but a Zoo, a where they house elephants and lions and giraffes. A smelly place, certainly, and I would need to ensure that the temperature wouldn't rise above the low 80s to help keep animal stink to a minimum. We checked the weather, and fortunately (or unfortunately) we were in for some unseasonably cool weather, at least for late August, and so we decided that Sunday would be the day.
We were undecided between the Bronx Zoo and Philadelphia, and opted for Philadelphia basically because of the hot-air balloon that they have which would be especially attractive to the kids, in particular Alexander who doesn't have much interest in zoos. (Actually, he pretty much dislikes anything we decide to do until we get there and he discovers he's actually having fun.)
So, off to Philly we went. To get to the zoo itself Google Maps said it would be about an hour and a half, although I was confident we'd get there sooner. About an hour or so into the trip, with not much further to go, I heard from the back seat those dreaded words no parent ever wants to hear in the car.
"My stomach hurts in a weird way," Alexander said softly.
Great. Now what does that mean?? I asked him some questions trying to pinpoint the root of the problem and exact location of discomfort to no avail. I offered him some water, which he declined, but Colette accepted readily. "Only about 20 more minutes," I assured him, turning around to stare at the highway in front of me, willing it to somehow pass more quickly.
Soon enough, we were in the city and close to our destination although we weren't exactly sure which way to go. Let's just say that TomTom SUCKS.
"I don't feel well," came Alexander's voice again from the backseat. "We're almost there! We're 5 minutes away!" I chirped encouragingly as I began to scan the front of the car for a plastic bag. I found one, and he started coughing, and then... I was too late. He had already puked down his shirt and shorts.
Now, Alexander is not a barfer. I could probably count on one hand the times he's yakked in the car in his entire life. I hurried the bag under his chin and began wiping down his clothes with antibacterial wipes. He still had some more to go, dutifully holding the bag under his mouth while I feverishly swiped at his clothes, Zach opened all the windows and Colette held her nose and grimaced.
Then we got lost. We knew we were close, and yet somehow, we ended up in a neighborhood that you don't want to get lost in while driving your brand-new SUV. Zach implored me to check out the map on his phone, but I'm sorry, if you ask me to read street names while breathing in the fumes of child vomit, *I* am going to vomit too. It's lucky I didn't anyway, in fact. So Zach pulled over on the outskirts of the neighborhood, near the train tracks, to check directions while I hung my head out the window like a dog, Colette continued to hold her nose, and Alexander diligently held the bag full of barf under his chin (which thankfully had not been filled any more within the past 10 minutes or so).
Finally, we were out. Up the street, left at the light, and bam, signs for the zoo. We were able to pull over on Girard Ave. next to one of the zoo parking lots and I got the kids out of the car. Now we weren't sure if we should take our chances and see the zoo or just quit while we were behind, turn around and head on home.
Since my mom taught me well, I had a backpack full of changes of clothes for everyone in the back of the car. Hiding him next to the open door as well as we could, we stripped Alexander down and put him in clean clothes. Zach and I continued wiping down his seat with antibacterial wipes, although thankfully it was just a small couple of spots - his clothes had sustained most of the damage.
The kids and I walked up and down the sidewalk a bit while I tried to assess Alexander's condition. His stomach was much better and he was acting like his regular old self, so we decided to make a go of it. Although we had a good spot, I suggested Zach park in the zoo lot itself instead of parking on the busy road. A car quickly pulled in to the spot that we vacated, and I apologize to them for the barf bag that my child discarded on the curb right next to where their car door probably opened.
After that, it was smooth sailing. We had some safe soft pretzels for lunch and we saw zebras, rhinos, giraffes and gorillas. The stupid hot air balloon was not even operating that day due to weather conditions (what? Too sunny??) but that was ok. We ended up having a really good time and I'm so glad, because it would have been a real shame to just turn around and go home after what we went through to get there. The temperature ended up being a bit warmer than we'd expected, but you know what? It didn't even smell that bad.
